On being Emi's mama

Last night when I was giving Emi a bath, it finally sunk in--- I don't have a newborn anymore. I felt so many things at once. Sad because she's not my tiny baby anymore, but happy that she's healthy. Happy because she smiles and sleeps better at night, but sad that the time with her as a newborn is gone forever. It sounds dramatic I know, but they're real feelings.

When I was pregnant I read a lot of material to help prepare myself for the birth process but I'm not sure if anything could have prepared me for all of the new emotions. I'm still trying to understand how I can feel such opposite feelings so strongly at the same time. Like the other night when I went to see a movie with some girlfriends. I knew I needed a break but didn't feel like I should go. I worried about Emi even though I knew she would be with her dad and I actually felt guilty for wanting a break. Chris convinced me to go so I left a bottle and headed out. It felt so good to be out of the house on my own. The time away was so refreshing and it was fun to talk to other women. I tried not to think too much about baby girl but I kind of missed her. Even though I was gone just a couple of hours, I was so happy to kiss those chubby cheeks when I got home. It's an odd feeling, wanting a break but also missing your little person while on that break.

Being a parent is sometimes a funny thing, but I really, really love being Emi's mama. She's made the transition into parenthood a pretty smooth one and I'm so grateful for it. She brings a sweet feeling into our home and we love that she's a part of our family. And even though she doesn't listen when I tell her to stay little forever, she's still cute so I let it go ;)

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