I honestly have no idea how to begin but I suppose I can start at the beginning of summer. When I came back to Enumclaw in April, I honestly wasn't too happy to be home. But when I was getting ready to leave for Provo in August, I had some serious mixed emotions. I spent a lot of time with my family this summer and got to know them more as people rather than just "family members." It was easier to appreciate my parents for all they do because I had lived without them for a year. I also became better friends with Jonathan. Don't get me wrong, we still fought quite a bit, but instead of just brushing aside our problems, we tried to work them out. I didn't see Sho as much as the others but it was still fun when he came down for the weekend or I saw him at Pike Place.
I think another reason why I became closer to my family was that I didn't really want to see a lot of my highschool friends. They changed, I changed, and we just grew apart. Our standards were (and are) different and I just couldn't really relate to them as much as I used to. I still want to stay in touch with them but I want to surround myself with people with the same standards (which was part of the reason I was so excited to get back to BYU).
So as I was officially packing up my room, I realized that I would have no bedroom when I came back to visit and that I was actually really truly moving out this time. It was a weird feeling. But I successfully packed everything away and threw out a lot of old stuff. And then consolidated all of my stuff that I was taking back to BYU. I rode down to BYU with a friend and as excited as I was, I mostly just stared out the window and thought about what I was leaving behind. I learned a lot over the summer and I wanted make sure I remember it. One thing especially was how blessed I was. With so many people out of a job, I still had work opportunities and a chance to earn money for school.
So now I'm finally back at BYU and am loving it. Yes I miss my family and friends but I'm learning to realize that moving on is part of life. And there is so much that has happened already that I could blog about but I think I'll save that for the next time I'm motivated to blog...
I thought I was done "growing up". It was sad (in a way) when I left home for college, but I LOVED being on my own and making my own decisions. Being away from my family for so many years while we lived in Japan was difficult at times, but I loved having my own little family and creating our own traditions and culture. After awhile, "home" became us and not Enumclaw and it was not painful any more. And I thought the heartache was done, that I was all grown up. But strangely--or maybe not so strangely--that old pain tugged on my heart once more when you packed up your room and drove away. I guess you don't really "grow up" until your kids grow up and move on.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you, Mei. I love you with all my heart and want only the best for you. Thank you so much for coming to live with us almost 19 years ago.
~Mom